Deft definitions

1) Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end& a fool on the other.

2) Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

3) Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of theLecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "theminds of either"

4) Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

5) Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way thateverybody believes he got the biggest piece.

6) Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power isdefeated by feminine water power...

7) Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.

8) Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens andeverybody disagrees later on.

9) Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

10) Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

11) Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

12) Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

13) Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than youactually do.

14) Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit todecide that nothing can be done together.

15) Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

16) Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

17) Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to bespoken of when dead.

18) Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way thatyou actually look forward to the trip.

19) Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentallyfalls into a river.

20) Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says inmidway "See I am not injured yet."

21) Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in RO,Instead 0f the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY .

22) Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

23) Father : A banker provided by nature.

24) Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

25) Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

26) Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and yourConfidence after

courtesy: forward from anand